Not taking things personally is a trait we all would like to have. We’re all used to saying this to our friends. But how can we do it ourselves? Let’s stop taking things personally to ease our minds and feel better about ourselves. Because we are not the people some people think we are.
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Taking things personally
Taking things personally will badly affect your mental health. Why do we even take things personally?
For example someone cancels your plans to go to the movie, but later on the evening they post a picture on their socials of them having dinner with friends, you take it personal.
Or there is someone driving close behing you while honking at you, you take it personal. Or there are 2 colleagues/classmates/strangers talking and right when you walk up they look at you and start laughing, you are taking things personal.
So, why do we take things personally? We are betrayed, the other one is responsible for how we feel. That is our ego speaking.
Our ego thinks that other people need to take us into their consideration and it wants to be acknowledge and it wants to be right. This fight of your ego is draining and it makes you take things personal.
Not taking things personally
So, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? No, you will not be happy when you are always right. There are 2 strategies when it comes to not taking things personally.
Strategy 1:
It is not about ME.
Me, myself, and I is not everyone’s topic on their mind. Everyone thinks about themselves. Shift your focus from me to we. Try to see the intention of the other person and see that it doesn’t have anything to do with you. You make space for understanding instead of irritation.
It’s not about me, they just want to be right.
In theory this is easy, however in real life it is really hard. Trying to see the positive intention of someone takes a lot of discipline and training. However, this will really reward you in the end.
Strategy 2:
It is about ME.
Because it has something to do with me, with my insecurities or doubts. For example, even if you know that the driver behind you is honking at you because they are in a hurry, it makes you question yourself if you are a bad driver, because this already is your insecurity or you know that there’s some truth to it and that’s what hurts.
It makes you show your insecurities, you already believe something about yourself and that’s what triggers you.
If someone says to you: ‘You are a banana!’, you won’t take it personally. Because you don’t believe you are a banana.
You take things personally when you know there’s some truth in it or when it already is your insecurity. When you are being criticized and it hurts, chances are big that this is rooted in your childhood.
Give yourself some empathy, be your own friend. Recognize your feelings and support yourself. And speak up: let someone know when or what hurt you. Be vulnerable, open up, and tell how you feel without blaming the other one. In this way you increase the chance that the other one will understand you and take your needs into account.
- It is not about me: Look at the other person’s intention
- It is about me: Give yourself empathy and speak up.
Want to learn more on talking positively to yourself. Read this.
My personal take ons
I take it personal when someone cancels our plans, I start thinking I’m not good enough. I also take it personal when someone looks at their phone while I’m telling them something or when someone doesn’t let me speak, I take it personally. I immediately start thinking they don’t care about me and that they don’t like me.
That is my ego talking.
But if you think about it form their perspective/intentions, it changes the situation a lot. Your ego wanting to be right and/or acknowledged, keeps you from not taking things personally.
Your perspective
When you are cancelling plans, honking at someone, looking at your phone while someone’s speaking, think about the following. Do your actions have everything to do with them? I don’t think so.
So take on you perspective when trying to understand someone else’s perspective to not take things personally.
21 Tips
Here are 21 quick tips on not taking things personally:
- Don’t take on everything everyone says about you or to you: it’s THEIR truth, not THE truth.
- Recognize it’s not about you – People’s actions are often about their own issues, not you.
- Understand projection – Others project their insecurities or frustrations onto you.
- Separate facts from feelings – Distinguish between what someone said and how it made you feel.
- Don’t overthink – Avoid assuming the worst or reading into every comment.
- Keep perspective – Ask yourself, “Will this matter tomorrow?”
- Practice self-compassion – Be kind to yourself, even when others are critical.
- See the bigger picture – One comment or action doesn’t define your worth.
- Don’t personalize criticism – Feedback is about growth, not your value as a person.
- Know that everyone has bad days – What someone says might reflect their mood, not their true feelings.
- Focus on your own intentions – You can’t control how others react, but you control how you respond.
- Recognize human imperfection – Everyone is flawed, including you and the people around you.
- Shift from reactive to responsive – Pause before reacting to comments or actions.
- Practice mindfulness – Stay present and detach from any emotional reaction.
- Remember it’s their perception – People see the world through their own lens, which may not be accurate.
- Don’t internalize negativity – Negativity from others is theirs to manage, not yours.
- Avoid the need for validation – Your self-worth doesn’t depend on others’ opinions.
- Understand context – Sometimes things are said in the heat of the moment or out of stress.
- See the humor in it – Try to laugh at situations where it would be easy to get upset.
- Learn to let go – Holding onto slights only harms you, not the person who made them.
- Own your response – You can’t control how others act, but you can control how you let it affect you.
Taking things less personally is about shifting your mindset and remembering that you are not the center of everyone’s universe.
People may attack you, criticize you, or ignore you. They can crumble you up with their words, spit you out or walk all over you. But remember, whatever they do or say: You will always keep your value
Keep your head up high and don’t take things personally.
With love,
CECA
C’est ca ~ That’s it
