Being happy, oh what a wonderful thing it is. However, it can also be quite hard in the world we live in to be happy and feel happiness. That’s because we are looking for happiness in the wrong way. But what is the right way and how can you also experience it? Let’s open up our minds to different ways to happiness than the way that we’ve been taught since we were young. Let’s create our happiness.
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The happiness we’ve been taught
Now, what do I mean by the happiness we’ve been taught? We’re taught to get a good job which gives us daily structure and makes us great money.
With this money you can buy a house, your dream car, or the fabulous bag everyone wants. But, do we really all want it or is that just what we have been taught that happiness is.
Don’t get me wrong, to have a happy home, a cool car and a beautiful bag is super nice. But this shouldn’t be the goal for our happiness.
Let’s go into it a little bit deeper. We’ve been taught that the ice-cream you can get at the ice cream shop will give you happiness.
But when you get there you need money to buy the ice cream. In order to have money you need to work. And so, you work hard, make some money and then you get your ice cream. But once you’ve got it, you realize that the ice cream is not giving you the happiness you thought it would.
And then you go on to find something else, something bigger to give you happiness. But every time you reach the new thing, you realize over and over again that it doesn’t MAKE you happy.
Yes, you will feel happiness for a week or a month, but it will not really make you happy. That’s the point where you will try to find distractions to an excessive extent to distract you from the fact that you’re just not really happy and only have temporarily conditional happiness in your life.
For me, this was a hard pill to swallow. I always thought I was happy when doing or getting nice things. But in between those moments I didn’t really experiences real joy, I was just living my life until the next nice thing happened.
Conditional happiness
Ask yourself this question: Do I have a reason to be happy? When the answer is yes, then your happiness is conditional. But you should’t need a reason to be happy.
Conditional happiness is not the happiness that makes you a happy person. If your happiness is only conditional, you can change it. Your happiness can be unconditional and you can experience more overall happiness.
The happiness we should learn
We should get happiness out of small, unordinary things, I learned. Think about it this way: the way that you live your life every day is the life you look back on and the way you live your life.
Your life is not only the special days on which you had a party, a nice dinner or when you went to an amusement park. Your life is also the moments in between those moments when you are sitting at home or working.
So it’s important to learn to feel good and happy at these moments. We all want to live a happy life, therefor we need to change our beliefs of happiness.
Enjoying the ordinary life is living an extraordinary life. Enjoy and appreciate each moment. You don’t need to be a hippie or Buddhist monk to be able to do this
How can I do that? That’s what I asked myself, I started trying out different things.
Look at the original image here.
How to achieve being happy?
1
How can I be happy? This might sound weird at the beginning, but just start by being happy! Start appreciating everything you have. Appreciate your breakfast and the bike or car you ride to work.
2
Look at happiness as if it is a choice, spoiler alert: it is! Happiness is a decision, everyday, every moment, every struggle again. It’s your choice how you react to certain situations.
You can choose to feel bad an have a bad day after you had a rough night. But you can also choose to make it a good day and do nice little things for yourself. It’s all about perspective.
However, some days are harder than others and that’s also okay. But when you have a rough day don’t punish yourself for having one. Feel that it also okay and normal to have a bad day once in a while and reckon that you will MAKE tomorrow better.
3
Start appreciating the little things more. Since I’m trying harder to really appreciate small things in my life, I’ve noticed a big difference.
For example, now I can enjoy a walk in the rain with my dog, which I used to hate. I am able to say to myself: I’m glad that my lovely dog is alive and that I can experience these ordinary things, which make them special in a way. I can also feel at peace with the fact that I miss my home when I’m not at home; I think it is nice that I even have something to miss.
4
Be happy that you are healthy and alive. Because all we’ve got is now, as my father always says in Dutch: leef in het hier en in het nu (Live right here and right now). Just enjoy the moment right now, because before you know it it is over.
Little extra tip: put away your phone more, when your with your friends, but also by yourself. Be mindfully present and enjoy the moment.
This probably sounds vague, weird, and annoying, but you will start noticing your more positive overall feeling. You will feel happiness from small things and you will appreciate it more.
5
Stop worrying about all that could happen, you don’t have any control over this. Look for the beauty in this uncertainty: “I don’t know what’s going to happen next and the best things happen in the unknown.”
6
Also, don’t have any expectations, in this way, something can be way more fun, less scary, or a totally different thing than you thought. If you go into something thinking it will happen this way, it probably will. Why? Because you are already acting that way.
So if you don’t have any expectations you can be blown away or surprised by the outcome.
My best example for this is my trip to Japan: I unintentionally didn’t have any expectations or thoughts about it beforehand, because I came out of a very hectic period of time. And then I got blown away by everything that happened, which really changed my life in the best way.
7
One thing that helps me be happy is creating the happiness I want in life not what others want or see as important: think about what you want in life. Live your life for you, since it already is your life, make it the way you want to.
So let’s say if you don’t wanna have a certain job or study at a university, don’t. If you want to work a 9-5 or travel the world, do that. BUT, only do it because you want your life to be that way. Don’t do it, because that’s what you think people want you to do.
The right people for you want you to do what makes you happy and if they don’t then maybe they’re not your people.
A little extra tip on being happy is starting to love and appreciate yourself more.
Being happy
So here’s a little summary from everything above:
- Start being happy: Start to be more positive and happy about things in life. Look at life from the bright side also in harder times.
- Choose happiness: Decide for yourself that you are happy when you wake up or when you are having a hard time and stick to it, you will notice an overall change in your feelings.
- Appreciate the little things: Enjoy little things more; feel appreciative for sunlight, a cup of tea with your mother or a walk in the rain. Enjoy and appreciate and you will be happy.
- Live right here and right now: Start to really enjoy the current moment you’re in, because before you know it’s over and it only is a memory to look back on. Little extra: put away your phone more, when you’re with your friends and family or by yourself, be present and enjoy.
- Stop worrying: Get out of your head. Stop with endlessly worrying about all bad things that can happen, 99% of these things won’t even happen. And most of the time it is not in your control what will happen. What you do have in control is your recation towards it, let it be positive.
- Don’t have any expectations: If you stop having expectations you can only be surprised by something. You don’t ever know what is coming, because it is not in your control. But the best things happen in the unexpected and/or unknown.
- Create your own happiness: Follow and do the things that make YOU happy. Don’t try to satisfy everyone around you; this is your life, so live it for you.
It sounds like I’m just listing Target’s favorite corny quotes, but there is meaning behind it, which you will find out, once you experience it.
“Happiness is not a destination, it is a way of life.”
Remember, you are also able to have a happy life every day again, this is your choice. This lays within your own power, it’s your choice how you look at your life. Happiness comes from within you not from outside factors like big houses, expensive cars or the best bag (although these are really nice to have). So, go and start creating your own happiness and change your perspective in life; don’t wait for good things to happen to you, make good things happen because of you.
With love,
CECA
C’est ca ~ That’s it
