So you are looking to change your life? You’re feeling stuck? You really want to change your life for the better? You are willing to put in the effort?
Well, where do you start? This is going to be a tough pill to swallow for many and many will deny this, which only confirms this even more.
However, if you want change in your life, you need to change yourself. Read that again.
Table of Contents
Your identity
Everything that you have in life has to do with your identity, whether it be your job, your partner, your status, your opportunities, the house and place you live in. The best way to understand your identity is to look at your environment, that’s who you are.
This is a hard pill to swallow because this touches on the topic of radical responsibility. And this is a very touchy subject, because we live in a world where people do not like to take responsibility for themselves, but they rather blame their circumstances. They blame other people, their job, their bosses, blame their traumas for where they are in life right now; why they’re not getting or having the things they want.
Your life is not the way you’d like it to be because it is tied to your identity. And you will create stories that will reinforce that identity. This will then activate a seeking mechanism, which will help us seek people, events, opportunities, etc. that align with that identity.
You don’t like your job because that is tied to your identity. Because if you identify yourself as someone whose job doesn’t suck. You would have taken yourself out of that terrible job and quit a long time ago. And yet you are still staying, but why? You can say that you have a lot of bills to pay. Well, there’s other people that had to pay a lot of bills as well or even more, but yet they found a way to get a job or create a business that they like.
What’s different from your identity to their identity?
There are people who work insanely hard and make close to no money. Is that your identity? Is your identity tied to I need to wark hard in order to make money?
You say that you can’t get ahead in life, because of the way you look. Because people always judge and criticize you an your looks. However, there is someone that looks similar to you and yet they’re still making it in life. So what is different from their identity to yours?
WE DO NOT GET WHAT WE WANT IN LIFE, WE GET WHO WE ARE BEING IN LIFE. Our identity is rooted towards the things that we get in life.
Reflect on yourself = change your life
Take a minute, sit down. Have a look at what you have in life, look at what you have currently manifested in life and BE HONEST with yourself. Be truthfully honest to what you have, where you live, who your friends are, what your job is. Once you have taken an inventory of that, you can deduce your identity from it.
If you want things to change, because you don’t like what’s going on in your life. You have to change. You have to change your core identity first, then the stories around your new identity will change and you start seeking out other things to correlate to that story. The change has to be in your identity at first.
It can be really helpful to ask this to yourself every single day: who are you? In this way, you train your brain to change. Then you tell yourself I’m this, I’m that.
What kind of person has the things that I want and what identity do I need to assume so that I can have the things that they have as well.
Because the identity that you have created is not working for you right now. Sometimes it is not even your fault, some of these identities were passed down to us by our parents, these identities where passed down to us by where we were born and in which culture wo grew up in. That’s okay.
However, we’re adults now and this means that you can start from now on. If you want everything in your surroundings to change, you have to change. It is not the opposite, your surroundings can not change first. Who you are has to change first.
Dismantle your identity and start from scratch. This is going to be very hard. Because one of the thing sour ego hates is ego death. We have used this identity as a mechanism, even a defense mechanism, to protect our egos. So for us to just destroy this is a big no and we’re going to have so much resistance.
If you want something different, you have to be someone different.
If you don’t know how to become that someone, start reading our articles, start looking at people that you admire, be inspired by them and you will find those correlations.
But let’s remember this, you are unhappy, because you identify as someone who has an unhappy life or doing mid in life.
So what do you want in life? How can you become someone who has the identity of that person? And then START DOING the things that that person does. Watch your life slowly change, while you are changing your behavior and actions.
Embodying the Self-Concept is key in your life. Remember nothing changes if nothing changes. So change within and start noticing change outside.
This is inspired by Kevo.
Denial
If you really want change in your life, you’re going to have to make an effort to change yourself. If you are saying to yourself right now that that’s not possible, then you’re going to be stuck in the same place forever. If you are going to stay in denial of change, you won’t achieve change.
Remember nothing changes, if nothing changes. Think about that. If you want change, you have to change.
If you will deny that you are stopping yourself from having the life you want and say that now is not the right time, you are not loving yourself.
Self-love
It’s also a great step for your self-love if you step out of the denial and see that your life is your responsibility and then actually take responsibility and start taking action to change yourself for the better.
Why do you need to change?
No matter what area of life you’re trying to improve, the one thing that’s constant in every situation is you. Want to get fit? You have to put in the work. Looking for a better job? You’re the one submitting applications and showing up to interviews.
Looking for more happiness? Guess who has to shift their mindset?
In other words, life changes don’t magically happen from the outside. You can’t just wish for a different reality, stay the same person, and expect everything to fall into place. You’ve got to take ownership and realize that the most powerful tool you have for change is yourself.
Step by step
Step 1: Get Honest with Yourself
If you want real change, you’ve got to be real with yourself. This means asking tough questions:
- What habits are holding me back?
- Am I making excuses or blaming others for things I can control?
- Where do I keep repeating the same mistakes?
A lot of times, the biggest obstacle in our way is our own behavior. Maybe it’s procrastination, fear of failure, or even hanging out with the wrong people who don’t push you to be better. The key here is honesty. You can’t fix something if you’re not willing to admit it’s broken.
Step 2: Embrace Discomfort
Sorry, but comfort zones are not where change happens. If you’re serious about transforming your life, you’ll have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. That means trying new things, making mistakes, and yes, sometimes failing.
Growth isn’t supposed to be easy. If you’re starting a workout routine after years of sitting on the couch, your muscles are going to scream at you. If you’re breaking out of a negative mindset, your brain will fight back at first. It’s like rewiring yourself—but the payoff is worth it.
Step 3: Change Your Habits
Your habits are a direct reflection of where you are in life. The little things you do every day shape who you become over time. If you’re always reaching for junk food, spending hours scrolling through social media, or staying up late watching Netflix, those habits are not helping you become the person you want to be.
Start small. Pick one or two things you know you need to improve and work on them consistently. Whether that’s drinking more water, exercising for 30 minutes a day, reading something inspiring, or even waking up earlier—these small changes build momentum.
Step 4: Stop Seeking External Validation
Here’s a hard truth: The only approval that matters is your own. Too often, people stay stuck in lives they don’t want because they’re worried about what others will think. Whether it’s your family, friends, or even social media followers, none of them are living your life—you are.
So, forget about pleasing everyone else. Focus on what you truly want and need. When you stop living for other people’s expectations, you’ll have the freedom to create a life that actually fulfills you.
Step 5: Surround Yourself with the Right People
Ever heard that saying, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with”? It’s true. If you’re constantly around negative people who complain about life, guess what? You’ll start doing the same. But if you’re around people who inspire you, push you to grow, and bring out the best in you, you’re more likely to thrive.
Take a good look at your circle. Do they help you become a better version of yourself, or are they holding you back? Sometimes, changing your life means distancing yourself from people who aren’t aligned with your new goals.
Step 6: Be Patient, but Stay Consistent
This is probably the hardest part. Real change takes time. You’re not going to wake up one day, eat one salad, or hit the gym once and suddenly have your dream body. Likewise, you’re not going to meditate once and have all your stress disappear.
The key is consistency. Do the work, even when you don’t see immediate results. Keep reminding yourself why you started. Progress might be slow, but if you stay committed, the changes will come—and they’ll stick.
At the end of the day, you have to realize that the life you want isn’t something you find. It’s something you create. And that creation starts with you. If you want a better life, a different life, a more exciting life—you have to become the person who can make that happen.
So, what are you waiting for? The next chapter of your life starts with the next decision you make. Choose wisely. Choose yourself.
Want to be happy? Want to be healthy? Want to have something specific? Look within, it is YOU, take action.
Embodying the Self-Concept is key in your life. Remember nothing changes if nothing changes. So change within and start noticing change outside.
With love,
CECA
C’est ca ~ That’s it
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